I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
