So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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