y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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