he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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