We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Semen is not good for contacts.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
