I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
