My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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