Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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