i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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