Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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