20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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