Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
