Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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