May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
