dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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