lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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