Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
