when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
