There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
