Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
