He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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