we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I want her autograph on my taint
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize