I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
