is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
