I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
