You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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