You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
