Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
