i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
