he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
