made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
