I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
