I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
