There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
