I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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