OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
