I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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