I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
