She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
