the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
