She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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