Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
