We're like a lot better than the average bears
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize