Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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