I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He did a backflip because drugs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
