it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
