We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
