Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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