You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
