So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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