afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
