I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
