i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
