did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
