I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
