She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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