if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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