How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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