Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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