Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
