Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
