Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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