fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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