Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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