I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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