Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize