My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
