who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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