I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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