Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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