Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
