Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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