I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vagina is officially offended.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
