Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i love accidental penises.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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