No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We need to get me chipped asap
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