Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Actions speak louder than pants.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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