remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
