So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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