He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
