I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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