I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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