he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
