Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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